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featured writing
Writing From: The OHSU Writing Circle for Women Healing from Cancer Knight Cancer Institute
The following excerpt from Poet Joy Harjo prompted the writing from these four women in the Tuesday morning OHSU Writing Circle (Summer 2024):
"This morning, I realized that I am in a period that was called by the Spanish mystic and poet St. John of the Cross the "dark night of the soul." It's a period of purification by trial. I have been dealing with losses of family members, by death or betrayal, a fractured foot, and am reviewing the path of my life and figuring out the direction from here as I make friends with death. When you get to my age, you do that, or you run scared. I don't sense that I'm going any time soon; there's still too much left for me to do. Yet, death is ever present. It's an essential part of life in this realm. Other realms have different laws. As with any difficulty I go out by the river or into the trees to find a place for my soul to rest. I turn to the story with gratitude, for the spiritual illumination that can be found as the tale unwinds. It occurs to me that this country is also in a "dark night of the soul," with the question being, will we choose compassionate ideas and laws, and leaders who serve and are fit for the job, or will we choose dictatorial pawns who assume authority for self-gain, and wish to oppress and police citizens to enslave them to a false story. And this earth too is also in the place of challenge and shift, another level of the "dark night of the soul." Will there still be trees and rivers when we are through with our buying and selling? I turn East to begin the day and take in breath. I give it back with prayer for my family, even those who mean to harm, knowing that we are all family: these lands, these communities, this earth. I turn back to tend the story with the words, images, and music I have been given and know that even the hardest parts of loss and heartbreak are what shines the soul and opens the door to understanding, to love.
~Joy Harjo
Lori Ann Johnson
The dark night of the soul – I feel I have been in this space since January of 2022. A purification by trial. Giving up alcohol – a literal purification for my body. To release the poisons and toxins I freely ingested. To let my organs breathe. To rid my cells of the burden of digesting and integrating a substance they had no use for. To let the crutch of escape go. To provide some freedom, some space to figure out what life could be like without a drink in my hand.
And then the trial continued.
A diagnosis. An awakening. An opportunity to reevaluate what it means to be me, what the true essence of my hopes conveyed. A distillation of myself, shedding what no longer served, focusing on what did. A purification of a different sort.
And now, what about now? Am I out of the dark night of the soul? Am I lingering too long – the years of the dark night so familiar I’m not sure how to see the light again? Does it pass? Do I wake up one morning, shake my hands of it all and the release washes over me? Will the door to understanding and love open? Will I be brave enough to walk through it? Will I recognize it? This purification, this distillation – what will be left? Will the losses pile up so high that there will no longer be room to see my way out? Will I find joy and laughter and let the sun shine in? Can I feel I am deserving, worthy of all that light? Can it shine on me without me looking away, seeking the comfort of the dark?
I pray that I can. My earnest wish is to feel that deep joy in my heart, that wonder at life, that awe of what is possible. That I can crawl out from under the dark blanket, pull my shoulders back, face the light with hope and love and joy. That I will allow myself to feel love, to be loved, to absorb the goodness of understanding. I pray that those days are in my future. I pray that it might start tomorrow. I pray I find what I am seeking.
Mary Ellen Boles
How to make friends with death
while sending out prayers for this life.
How to hold such a dichotomy
in sacred space and love.
How to recognize the dark night of the soul
that walks beside us
while we greet each day
with light and love and hope.
How to reconcile the trials and losses
of home and health and beloveds
yet still find our way
to the wilds the earth offers.
How to pray with forgiveness in the forefront
with heart open to share
the trees and the green and the brilliance
of sunshine that bursts from each blossom.
How to stay grounded, connected to each other,
intimate with ourselves
in the face of despair and destruction,
the loss of our humanity.
How to live fully, to welcome our
companions of grief and laughter.
How to set a place
at the table for death.
Sally Rudolph
I flirt with the dark night of the soul all of the time, if not in my mind, then certainly within my body. I wake up in the morning, see the sun, and consider finding a hole to climb into.
“What makes me feel so heavy?” I wonder.
“Why is it so hard to make things happen?”
“Why so sluggish Sally Jean?”
And yet, just the other day, after a fabulous dip and float on the Mollala River, the afternoon sun making everything dreamy, my brother asked me why I got sick. He asked what the doctors thought.
And even now, remembering the conversation, I feel the heat of my soul blast through the dark night.
“Let me tell you why I think I got sick,” I said to him.
“Let me tell you what I have done to heal in mind and body.”
“Let me tell you why I am still alive.”
And he listened, because I spoke from a place of heat; a conviction and energy so steady and strong that it had to be felt.
That’s the kind of stuff that balances the Universe - that puts the dark night behind us so that we can live out in the sunshine.
Like a dreamy day on the river, dipping and floating in the afternoon sun.
Avena Ward
Who are we that you should be mindful of us, that you care for us? We creatures that arise from dirt? We so often push each other’s buttons in our haste to pursue our own survival.
Fear. Fear of losing. Fear of failing. Fear of dying. These fears run our days and disturb our nights when we should be dreaming of a future. These fears push us to compete and convict others of taking more than their share. They push us to our limits. They push earth to her limits.
Do we not know we are part of the dream? The dream that is created by our collective thoughts, our creative impulses? We can choose. We can hold space for each other and encourage thoughtfulness, fruitfulness, generosity of spirit. Or we can stoke the fires that leave some out in the cold, reinforce the nightmares where a few party on the graves of the many.
Reach out your hand. Touch mine. Feel the life force that connects us. Look through my eyes as I seek yours to see my own reflection. No matter the distortion.
Let us walk together to the water. Let us bathe our fevered bodies, asking to be reborn in a cooler, calmer world. Where we are mindful of our own oneness with the earth, the animals and plants, the trees and the clouds.
Let us be guided to a new vision. A beautiful vision where we start each day with a song of joy and end it with a prayer of thanks. And one in which the time between is filled with trust in the goodness of the Source of All our Beings.
Writing From: Words for Healing, Legacy Cancer Center 1st & 3rd Fridays, Writing Circle for Men & women Healing from Cancer
Karen Beall
Thinking
I’m trying not to think of the lists in my head and on my phone - those tasks that make each day full and busy, but make my life a series of steps that I check off, rather than deeply appreciate. Instead, I think of the tops of the trees waving outside my window, their brilliant orange leaves fluttering toward the ground, their skeletons starting to show now as they slowly get undressed for winter. I’m thinking of the blue sky and sunshine that wait outside, though it’s a muted version of the cornflower blue of summer, a distant remnant of the past season’s lush rays. I want to appreciate the extravagant flowers of summer, but also the bare limbs; the splendor of soaring eagles and also the fearlessness of cawing black crows. I want to appreciate the striations of blue and green as I float in a tropical sea, but also the mighty waves that I can only watch, as they crash on rocks and spew up blowholes.
I’m thinking how this time last year, my life fell apart, and how now, I am gluing it back together, trying to learn how to appreciate every moment. I’m thinking of all I have learned, the people I have met, the friendships that have grown, the understanding that I am not immortal. I’ve spent my life worrying about other people’s health and safety, believing I could out-exercise mortality, that serious illness couldn’t catch me if I kept moving. I was wrong.
Perhaps if it isn’t my undoing, I may someday see cancer as a gift disguised as a misfortune, a bend in the path I was following or a spur to a deeper life that I don’t quite feel yet, but might, if only I can open my heart to see the ordinary as extraordinary. I’m not certain that everything will be all right, but I know spring blooms will follow the desolate winter days. I know the waves will keep washing the shore in an endless loop. I know blooms will eventually emerge in volcanic ash and I know the universe extends further than my logical human mind will ever comprehend. Perhaps that is all the certainty I will ever have, as close to all right as I will ever get.
Sandi Meyer
crowd, a mood
I’m nervous. I know I can nail the first two songs, but I might try too hard on the ones I’m afraid of and end up yelling instead of singing. The crowd is small, but I am so grateful for this chance to be on stage, even if I’m still wearing the drains from my surgery underneath my fancy dress. Suzi and Ray are up front and center with a sign they hold up that says “Sandi Meyer Fan Club.” Fellow performers from the class are also in the supportive audience. And importantly, my son has shown up - which is never a given.
I have thought of doing this throughout the past few years - but who had time? I am my most authentic in song or dance. Now, with my recent diagnosis, and questionable life span, I am incredulous that I could only find time to sing when things were not going well. How could I have wasted those years being the inauthentic salesman, the surprised recipient of hidden talents that assumed no room for passion? I sing, I do my own little medley, and the response is overwhelming. I’m where I belong.
I have thought of doing this throughout the past few years - but who had time? I am my most authentic in song or dance. Now, with my recent diagnosis, and questionable life span, I am incredulous that I could only find time to sing when things were not going well. How could I have wasted those years being the inauthentic salesman, the surprised recipient of hidden talents that assumed no room for passion? I sing, I do my own little medley, and the response is overwhelming. I’m where I belong.
Kathleen E. Casey
Tending Grief
It was, yes, the deepest part of night. Yes. When everything lies
fragile and impermanent.
There was yes, there was a swarm of bitter air, a salt crawling in the throat, the lungs.
Yes, it stung.
Yes.
I knew it then. Felt it creep.
A wire of fog.
A tide.
The moon a fractured spine.
Ebbing phosphorescence.
Dark now smeared along the shore.
Waves.
Flood.
Drought.
A desolate.
Yes. Winter's stones.
Fire on skin. Running wild.
The voices of the dead.
I twist to stamp it out.
Conjure lakes, rivers, mountain peaks.
Swallowtails. A peony.
The desert's bleak, indifferent eye
cracks a whip against the sky.
A bloom of tears.
Now a clanging now a name now nameless now.
Feckless rites.
Cries.
To sleep. Dark thrumming. Dark.
Ancient skin galloping a storm.
Yes.
The sea siphons light, devours breath, dissolves the bone,
plasters nouns on every thing.
A wave snakes in to pummel us again.
ted healy
Beyond the Veil
This is it—I’ve crossed the threshold into the unknown. The transition feels oddly familiar, like a long-awaited reunion. I sense connection, not through sight or sound, but as an ethereal energy. Depak Chopra’s wisdom echoes: We are all energy, intertwined in the cosmic dance.Yet, amidst this ethereal existence, I hear the trees weep. Their silent cries echo across dimensions. A forest fire rages in the Amazon, fueled by human greed. Acres vanish, sacrificed for mining. The Earth mourns.And then, there you are—my faithful feline companion, Friday. Your presence transcends time. I hoped to feel you again, and here you are, brushing against my soul.Mary, too, whispers her story. The baby pilot whale, lost in the abyss, a casualty of reckless sonar. We tried to save her, but the ocean swallowed her cries. Mary, your compassion still resonates.Bobby, my half-brother, a fleeting memory. You left too soon, a casualty of another’s recklessness. Yet, in your playful moments, you etched love into my heart. Thank you.Howie, the name that defied convention. In Switzerland’s linguistic blend, it stuck. You, who yearned for a daughter, missed the chance to meet her. Korsakoff syndrome stole your clarity, but your legacy lives on.And Dad, your presence lingers. I’ve treaded a different path, not scaling ad-world heights, but weaving kindness into existence. Mistakes? Yes, they shaped me—human frailty etched in stardust.Beyond the veil, I find solace. We are energy, memories, and whispers—a symphony of imperfections. And perhaps, in this cosmic tapestry, to err is not just human; it’s our shared melody.
Allison Victor
If I had only one more day...
If I had only one more day...
I'd write thank you notes
to all those I didn't
say it enough to
I'd apologize to my heirs
for not organizing & getting
rid of enough junk
I'd probably write a will in
case I hadn't done that
yet
I'd fill my senses with delight
because I don't imagine
I'll get that in the next life
I'd walk next to beautiful flowers
inhaling their beauty
while embracing my sensation of breath
I'd give away
give away my art
dance in a circle with
precious loved ones
I'd practice letting go
practice loving
appreciating
I'd say things that
so far have been left unsaid
give, thank, applaud
exhale
Maybe a party
a special gathering
in a beautiful place
with delicious
food near water
maybe we'd all
cuddle around a campfire
and sing corny songs
or Leonard Cohen songs
I'd promise to watch over
everyone as I merge
into the beyond
Hopefully there would be
laughter & joy & sweetness
as we would give all there is
to give...to lighten
our journeys forward
Writing From: The Elemental Self: A Day-long Writing & Art Retreat with Lisa Kagan & Dawn Thompson & Geography of the Wild Heart, A weekly Creative (writing & Art-making) retreat series with Lisa Kagan & Margaret Hartsook Fall 2023
tanya prather
So many messages to soften the wolf, to hold back the anger and the rage, that instead we taste metal, the blood in our mouths that comes from biting our tongues. We turn that wild wolf internally. We gnaw at our own insides, chewing away what is not accepted, what is not tolerated in females, what is a lightning rod for criticism and shame. What if instead we allowed the wild wolf inside to do what it is called to do from the depths of our being: protect us, free us, connect us to the wildness, the elemental, the sacred? What if the softening was toward us as well. The blessing, the benefit that comes from softening into love for ourselves.
Rosemary reed
Who is listening?As I sat by the river that day, I listened to the movement of the water over rocks.My soul was moved by that universal flow.The voice of my heart in response spoke of peace and delight.Who is listening as my heart sings? Who is listening to every song and cry?Look around. We are surrounded by others, by nature, by the responses of our own body.The trees and branches may sway at the very moment of your heart’s delight, a smile from a stranger as you shine the peace from within.There is always a listener, your subtle companion of the heart.
Amy laing
My work is to fall in love with existence. My work is to love my body as if it belonged to someone I care about very much. My work is to allow my wings to burst achingly slowly, excruciatingly, bit by bit through the tight gravelly muscles of my back, to free themselves from the constraints of what has been and to blaze forward into what can possibly be. My job is to bloom, to grow great with possibility, pregnant with the future and what it may hold. Beautiful, painful, glorious and agonizing. The process of giving birth to myself happens when it happens – I burst open and can no longer hide what’s there – on display for anyone to witness, but particularly for me. To learn to know myself. My work is to peel away the layers of whatever is not my true self and emerge naked, vulnerable and real. My work is to embrace these wings, such as they are, and take flight without knowing what I will see on my journey, and with no destination in mind. I will soar on the high wild breeze, spread my tender wings, and learn to trust that wherever I go is where I was meant to be. A bird, a butterfly, a dandelion seed, a phoenix, a hummingbird. I am any of them or all at once – it doesn’t matter. I have erupted into flight and my work is to fly.
Kirstin lichtfield
Getting My Voice Back It’s been a long road, this naggy throat ridiculousness that began as a cold weeks ago, and made me cough embarrassingly for as many weeks, and stole my regular voice. Even singing along with the radio felt like a wash; I didn’t even want to hear myself. The month has been exciting but overwhelming, so many twists and turns. Getting my voice back became its own project, its own animal, a task side-by-side with everything else flung my way from far and wide. But it’s coming back, I’m turning back into me, or at least sounding like me. I like to think that maybe this raspy scratchy sound was like grit that needed to rise then sink to the bottom of the pan of gold, leaving the newer shinier me behind to move forward. I quieted myself more these weeks, but I saved my strength for the really important words, the gold in the pan, the finely aged wine, the best of me that I can offer the world.
WRITING FROM:
THE OHSU WRITING CIRCLE FOR WOMEN HEALING FROM CANCER & FROM THE WRITING CIRCLE FOR ADOLESCENT & YOUNG ADULTS HEALING FROM CANCER
PROMPT: What would you say at your own celebration of life? What have you learned along the way that you would pass on? What piece of wisdom would you offer up?
Sabrina Norris McDonald
Welcome, Beloveds. Are you all here?Of course, you are.WE are. We have always been here Together. Our individual stories have seemed to carry us far from the roads we thought we would travel. We have come back with adventures, tales, heartbreaks and ruins to share. But even in the tellings they are mere performance. For we were all there together anyway. You think you’ve come here today to say goodbye, but goodbye is just another “hello” For I will be with you always I can hardly wait to be a dragonfly that lights on your toes as you dip them into icy streams on hot summer days. To be the wild rose that sits atop a massive boulder you thought you could never climb. To be the pencil you keep dropping on your clumsy days, laying there on the floor at your feet to remind you to laugh at yourself instead of lapsing into old familiar patterns of frustration. To be the juicy Oregon strawberry that melts in your mouth after another year of waiting for the new harvest. To be the rolling thunder that brings comfort and even excitement on your stormiest nights. To be the bitter medicine you choke down between your squintiest expressions that reminds your magical body that it can heal itself. To be the touch of blue silk that brushes your face as you push through a crowded room. To be your next dog, Oh! What luxury that will be! To be loved and doted on, talked to and cried to all my days, cloaked in the softest of black fur. Wherever you look, I’ll be there, and so will you. Right there together. Always.
(Sabrina wishes to acknowledge the muses/angels/spirits that send the words to her)
Bija Gutoff
Be less afraid, my love. Do not worry what other people think. They are looking at you through the lens of their own gaps and hurts and harms; these have nothing to do with you.
Find quiet places and listen to your own thoughts. Listen to them no matter what they are. They do not have to be noble or exalted. If others fail to provide you with what you need, go and find it or make it yourself.
No matter if you believe in God, the Great Spirit, or any other divine form. You come from life and are made of life. Your body contains actual stardust, elements from the cosmos, the earth, the ocean, the sky. Because you are alive, you are holy.
Therefore, walk tall. Hold your spine straight, and feel the weight of your feet as each of your steps lands on the earth and the gravity receives you. Feel the great magnetic core at the center of our Earth holding you to the land, and the great magnetic core of your heart holding you to your life.
All that matters, my love, is that you live with openness and abundance. Give wildly of yourself to whoever and whatever you love and trust. And guard carefully that which is sacred, quiet, private – it is no one else’s but your own.
What if you knew in advance, my love, that your life was valuable – no, invaluable, beyond measure of value – and that the work of your hands mattered? Could you release yourself from that obsession with counting our merit that steals so much time from our precious days?
If I could teach you one thing, my love, I would teach you this: your life is of the greatest, most holy and precious value, the work of your hands is your expression of that value, and that, to me, you are the greatest gift.
Find quiet places and listen to your own thoughts. Listen to them no matter what they are. They do not have to be noble or exalted. If others fail to provide you with what you need, go and find it or make it yourself.
No matter if you believe in God, the Great Spirit, or any other divine form. You come from life and are made of life. Your body contains actual stardust, elements from the cosmos, the earth, the ocean, the sky. Because you are alive, you are holy.
Therefore, walk tall. Hold your spine straight, and feel the weight of your feet as each of your steps lands on the earth and the gravity receives you. Feel the great magnetic core at the center of our Earth holding you to the land, and the great magnetic core of your heart holding you to your life.
All that matters, my love, is that you live with openness and abundance. Give wildly of yourself to whoever and whatever you love and trust. And guard carefully that which is sacred, quiet, private – it is no one else’s but your own.
What if you knew in advance, my love, that your life was valuable – no, invaluable, beyond measure of value – and that the work of your hands mattered? Could you release yourself from that obsession with counting our merit that steals so much time from our precious days?
If I could teach you one thing, my love, I would teach you this: your life is of the greatest, most holy and precious value, the work of your hands is your expression of that value, and that, to me, you are the greatest gift.
PROMPT: The Song "New Shoes" by Paolo Nutini
Adrienne STRUBB
I’ve resisted owning Crocs during these 39.9 years. My feet are already taking up space as a size 12. Why would I want them to look even clunkier? Crocs aren’t chic or slim, and I can’t imagine running from a bear in them. Clearly, I’ve had time to talk myself out of getting them. But lately…lately, I’ve noticed that I’m in need of easier things. I’ve been using DoorDash on the weekends following my chemo to make getting food easier. I take my puppy to my brother’s home with his fenced back yard and children to exhaust her when walking her seems too much. I’ve been leaning on family and friends to help me in ways I hadn’t before, simply because my energy is quite finite these days. I’m in need of an easy, durable shoe to slide on and off quickly when I need to take my puppy out on a short potty outing. What a transition to realize I now need to surround myself with ease. As it seems that new shoes are on the horizon, I hate to admit to my younger self that Crocs are looking like the perfect new shoe.
Juliana Person
All throughout my elementary school years, and middle school, and even into high school we had a tradition in our family: singing in new pairs of shoes. We’d all gather in the living room. Whoever got the new pair of shoes would put them on, and then they’d walk around the outside boarder of the living room rug while the rest of us sang the new shoes song.
There goes the kidWalking down the streetWith her new shoes on her feetSometimes fastAnd sometimes slowHappy on her way she goes
At sometimes fast we’d run, with the rug almost sliding out from under us against the wood floor as we careened around each corner. At sometimes slow we’d walk in slow motion, trying to be as slow as humanly possible without falling over
It was definitely silly, but we took this tradition very seriously for a very long time. New shoes simply could not be worn outside the house until they had been properly sung in. My sister is at a sleepover when I want to wear new shoes? Better wait util she’s back and we can sing those shoes in as a family and choose a different pair for today!
The tradition started to break down when we moved to Southern CA. I was 17. My sister was 15 and my brother was 12. We were all at an age where a new shoes song seemed overly corny and in a new place it was easy to drop old routines.
Every once in a while though, the new shoes song gets a reprise. If my family happens to all be together in one place and someone mentions getting a new pair of shoes, nostalgia will take over! Put them on! Put them on! With lots of eyerolling and laughter the new shoes will come out and get inaugurated into use with our whole family singing together, “there goes the kid…” Even though the youngest “kid” is now in his 30s, the shoe song never fails to bring back happy childhood memories.
There goes the kidWalking down the streetWith her new shoes on her feetSometimes fastAnd sometimes slowHappy on her way she goes
At sometimes fast we’d run, with the rug almost sliding out from under us against the wood floor as we careened around each corner. At sometimes slow we’d walk in slow motion, trying to be as slow as humanly possible without falling over
It was definitely silly, but we took this tradition very seriously for a very long time. New shoes simply could not be worn outside the house until they had been properly sung in. My sister is at a sleepover when I want to wear new shoes? Better wait util she’s back and we can sing those shoes in as a family and choose a different pair for today!
The tradition started to break down when we moved to Southern CA. I was 17. My sister was 15 and my brother was 12. We were all at an age where a new shoes song seemed overly corny and in a new place it was easy to drop old routines.
Every once in a while though, the new shoes song gets a reprise. If my family happens to all be together in one place and someone mentions getting a new pair of shoes, nostalgia will take over! Put them on! Put them on! With lots of eyerolling and laughter the new shoes will come out and get inaugurated into use with our whole family singing together, “there goes the kid…” Even though the youngest “kid” is now in his 30s, the shoe song never fails to bring back happy childhood memories.
Writing From: The Women's
Thursday Morning On-Line Circle
Spring 2023
Lynn Sherman
A Writer's Blessing
The world needs youAnd your holy shadow.
Being human calls us allTo sit in circle with bothThe sacred fireAnd the dancing imagesProjected into the night.
Let us listen to the storytellers That are willingTo talk of good and evil In new ways.
We are all heroes whether we know it or not, With Angels watching usFrom our couches and CloudsGathering above our heads.
Hold your penAnd dive into the fiercenessOf feminineTruth-telling;
Let the Moon’s dreamingLift your eyes to another perspectiveThat calls outTo profound optimismRooted inLife’s quirky passage. June 1, 2023
Being human calls us allTo sit in circle with bothThe sacred fireAnd the dancing imagesProjected into the night.
Let us listen to the storytellers That are willingTo talk of good and evil In new ways.
We are all heroes whether we know it or not, With Angels watching usFrom our couches and CloudsGathering above our heads.
Hold your penAnd dive into the fiercenessOf feminineTruth-telling;
Let the Moon’s dreamingLift your eyes to another perspectiveThat calls outTo profound optimismRooted inLife’s quirky passage. June 1, 2023
holly Blakeslee
Birthday Dream
Somewhere in the spacebetween sleep and waking -where remembrances live -where long-gone friends, whereparents and old lovers reside -This is where, if one can grasp it -Essence becomes Manifestation.
In this place filled with voicesa place saturated with murky eventswhere bits of entire chapters,voluminous tomes, unfold -I find myself, oftentimes,the main player upon this celestial stage.
Less often, only at the peripherywaiting in the wingsa spectator to my own story.
I love these twilight times -truly - they are ever more real to me…as the decades pass.
Their coded messagesbecoming clearer as each year passesas my hair color transforms to grey, to whiteas my sight and hearing becomeless trustworthy, immeasurably fading…
In this twilit placeof shadow & light,of joy & sorrowI reside, floating in slumber,Free of all ailment, with no restraint.
This cloudy dreaming, it isglorious! it is beautiful…it is realityto my soul, slumberingsomewhere in this landbetween sleep and waking.
My birthday dream.
May 30, 2023
May 30, 2023
Carolyn goolsby
COVID Inspired Wisdom Reflections
I am wrestling with smallness and largeness. COVID, the tiny virus that is currently reforming our entire culture, is playing in my body right now.
Insidious, creeping through every body symptom, tap, tap tap! Tapping on every system - asking can I lodge here? Or perhaps here?
Alexander the Great, great conqueror of cultures was toppled by a virus, the tiniest living organism. This fragmented piece of life brought the great man down.
What drives us? Is it largeness or smallness?
Is it power or powerlessness?
Is it darkness or light?
Surely it must be the dance between the two. That’s where aliveness lives - that’s where the snake moves.
Stop-Listen-Respond / stop - listen - respond.
Put your left foot in, take your left foot out,
Put your right hand in and shake it all about.
We are not dead and we are not alive.
We are living - we are dying - we are being reborn
constantly - Are we doing this with conscious awareness or have we succumbed to the illusions that dance to their own music?
Take a moment to stop, listen, respond.
Let the music of Life carry you through the highs and the lows.
Let the music hold you and rock you
With Beauty, Wisdom, and Guidance.
I am wrestling with smallness and largeness. COVID, the tiny virus that is currently reforming our entire culture, is playing in my body right now.
Insidious, creeping through every body symptom, tap, tap tap! Tapping on every system - asking can I lodge here? Or perhaps here?
Alexander the Great, great conqueror of cultures was toppled by a virus, the tiniest living organism. This fragmented piece of life brought the great man down.
What drives us? Is it largeness or smallness?
Is it power or powerlessness?
Is it darkness or light?
Surely it must be the dance between the two. That’s where aliveness lives - that’s where the snake moves.
Stop-Listen-Respond / stop - listen - respond.
Put your left foot in, take your left foot out,
Put your right hand in and shake it all about.
We are not dead and we are not alive.
We are living - we are dying - we are being reborn
constantly - Are we doing this with conscious awareness or have we succumbed to the illusions that dance to their own music?
Take a moment to stop, listen, respond.
Let the music of Life carry you through the highs and the lows.
Let the music hold you and rock you
With Beauty, Wisdom, and Guidance.
nancy Drury
Red Dust
There is reddish dust in the air from all the feet trodding the serpentine paths of the County Fair in Veneta. We all wind the paths, a wave of red clay dust covered feet, a snake of humans in all skins and paints and tattoos. Feathered headdresses wave more dust into the air as the parade with trumpets, clowns and stilt walkers passes.
On the hottest, driest Fair weekends, you can see the dust motes thick in the reddish air. People wet cowboy red bandannas and cover their children’s mouths and then their own. The dust sinks into the pores, so the people are one with the dust of the forest floor. The crews come with water sprayers to tamp down the dust, but it doesn’t last long. The dust wants to dance with the people, to laugh in their throats.
“Dust thou art and dust thou shalt return” is no longer a negative, just a truth. The dust travels into our bodies to be one with us. It becomes part of the universal force where we are all connected. Dust is alive.
There is reddish dust in the air from all the feet trodding the serpentine paths of the County Fair in Veneta. We all wind the paths, a wave of red clay dust covered feet, a snake of humans in all skins and paints and tattoos. Feathered headdresses wave more dust into the air as the parade with trumpets, clowns and stilt walkers passes.
On the hottest, driest Fair weekends, you can see the dust motes thick in the reddish air. People wet cowboy red bandannas and cover their children’s mouths and then their own. The dust sinks into the pores, so the people are one with the dust of the forest floor. The crews come with water sprayers to tamp down the dust, but it doesn’t last long. The dust wants to dance with the people, to laugh in their throats.
“Dust thou art and dust thou shalt return” is no longer a negative, just a truth. The dust travels into our bodies to be one with us. It becomes part of the universal force where we are all connected. Dust is alive.
Jillean johnson
Self Portrait
I am a knife-edge-walker.a death doulaI straddle here and thereI seek out the razor-sharp edgesBe careful don't slipOr go ahead, slip away,let the river carry you.
It is your fear that keeps you smallthere is no balanceonly balancing.So teeter away on that knife's edge,that space between trapezes where falling is always on the tableFalling is always on the table.Falling is always.If we are not too afraid to allow it.
And so I don't tell you I love you because the words would feel forced.And so I do tell you I love you because you are a piece of my heart walking in the world.And in spite of your sunshiney soul, you will suffer, you will be wounded.And so I do tell you I love you even as I fear for your life,that they won't understand,that their fear will make them act out of anger and spiteand they will spew violence over you.And there is no one more authentic than you.You are you.You live on the razor sharp edgeand you dance there.
Perhaps I have taught you something.
And you, Mama, I love you too. And the knife's edge I walk with you is the straddling of anger and vulnerability.How to hold on to my compassionate self when anger and grief swell up with such force.Alok says compassion even when we don't understand.Maybe I have found a new mantra.Ours is not always to understand.
I am a knife-edge-walker.a death doulaI straddle here and thereI seek out the razor-sharp edgesBe careful don't slipOr go ahead, slip away,let the river carry you.
It is your fear that keeps you smallthere is no balanceonly balancing.So teeter away on that knife's edge,that space between trapezes where falling is always on the tableFalling is always on the table.Falling is always.If we are not too afraid to allow it.
And so I don't tell you I love you because the words would feel forced.And so I do tell you I love you because you are a piece of my heart walking in the world.And in spite of your sunshiney soul, you will suffer, you will be wounded.And so I do tell you I love you even as I fear for your life,that they won't understand,that their fear will make them act out of anger and spiteand they will spew violence over you.And there is no one more authentic than you.You are you.You live on the razor sharp edgeand you dance there.
Perhaps I have taught you something.
And you, Mama, I love you too. And the knife's edge I walk with you is the straddling of anger and vulnerability.How to hold on to my compassionate self when anger and grief swell up with such force.Alok says compassion even when we don't understand.Maybe I have found a new mantra.Ours is not always to understand.
muffet feddo
The Loon
The anthem of the evening loonBeckons me to the side of the lake,And calls me to climb into the canoe.Delicately, I make my way through the water,Edging ever so slightly closer,Fearful that I might scare the beautiful creature away.To whom does the ghostly song call besides me?My soul hears and responds. As if turning homewardI inch, pulled by the invisible lineThat joins me to him.The keening of his callLands deeply within,Marking me as his.It feels naturalThat I am the object of his choosing.Or, perhaps, I only imagine it so.My stroke quietly quickensAs I rush to find him.The sad notes slip across the surface of the lakeTelling me that he is searching for me too.
The anthem of the evening loonBeckons me to the side of the lake,And calls me to climb into the canoe.Delicately, I make my way through the water,Edging ever so slightly closer,Fearful that I might scare the beautiful creature away.To whom does the ghostly song call besides me?My soul hears and responds. As if turning homewardI inch, pulled by the invisible lineThat joins me to him.The keening of his callLands deeply within,Marking me as his.It feels naturalThat I am the object of his choosing.Or, perhaps, I only imagine it so.My stroke quietly quickensAs I rush to find him.The sad notes slip across the surface of the lakeTelling me that he is searching for me too.